The Dreamer and Obsessions in Me: My Beloved Mother

That photo of my mum was taken when she was in her 30's I think or younger and until now she's still as beautiful as she was 41 years ago. On 12th September 2010 is my mum 71st birthday and since she was unwell on that time, she decided to pending her celebration until 22nd September. My mum is the eldest in the family with two sisters whom she's closed with even at this age.

My mum! Well, she spent her whole years busy working for her family at first then later on for us. She worked as a treasury manager and that job fully occupied her until she retired at the age of 67. And being a successful woman made her scarifies the only daughter she has and that's me.

Taken with N-6600 (old photo)

Disappointed so much with her is the feeling I grew up with. Sometimes it made me hate her in a way but as I grew older I realized it was for a better future living. It's sad when you told a story that your parents didn't know you well enough nor be there when you were a kid. But I guess that's a past I must dealt with.

Beside that, I wasn't really growing up to be closed with parents until the last 3 years I guess. They sent me to Australia when I was almost 15 and when I got back to Indonesia for good, it was pissed me off. It was so damn hard to live with parents who never there for you but now stuck with you for 24 hours! It took around almost 2 or 3 years to adapt where everyday I would be arguing with mum. There were more time of angering to each other than to actually have good time with. It made me even hate her more and felt like running away from home. She annoyed me a lot but anyway time flew and I started to learn and deal with her impatience attitudes too.

Taken using Blackberry Onyx

Often I yelled at her and I knew by yelling at her made she realized that "that's what my daughter want". She isn't a kind of person who's willing to learn nor changed until you yelled and told her right in front of her face. So, I stood up for what I believed and I knew I hurt her a way too much. But whatever words I said were the truth and now she becomes someone better. If you think that old people can't change then you are so wrong.

Do you know that changes is depending on the person's itself not its age? Yes, it was hard for mum in her 60's to actually change herself but she never failed too. So as time goes by, As we get used to each other, we learnt and we argued lesser. So yeah, I'm very thankful for the efforts she made to herself in getting used to me. But the most I'm thank the LORD for given me so much opportunities to be a better daughter for her every time.

See, my mum is a very talkative lady who like to make things complicated most of time. But when she was sick, I missed her angry and those unimportant talks she usually made. She was stuck in the hospital for 10 days, 3 months ago because of thypus and dengue fever. So, seeing her lying in the bed just made me frowned and I missed her happy joyful face. But anyway, I try to keep my smily face and cheering her up. I didn't want to show her my sadness but later she said I was just being a kiddo!! -.-

Overall, I adore her as a lady; the scarifies she had made when she was young. I bet she knew the consequences she made in the past and sometimes I do yelled at her often. No, I'm not a perfect daughter nor a kind of daughter she ever had in mind but as a daughter I'll be giving my best to understand her and be more compromised. Sometimes I'm too lazy to argue but I do know I've anger management issue.

Mother, mother, no matter how hard I try to hate at the end, your love, passions and patience conquered it all. Pardon me for unable to make the dreams you have for me, but don't worry, you'll be seeing me reaching on the top of your dream. Pardon me for being harsh and hard to you but I'm also giving my best to cool down and be wiser. I wrote in my facebook status "As you grow older, you'll have more respect to yourself, family and others too. And as you become bolder and wiser, you'll appreciate every little things in life whether it's the good or bad things that happened. And as you become mentally mature you'll love your family first then yourself"

These are photos that I captured with my SLR cameras and the smile of her is just priceless. It makes me so happy whenever I able to capture her smiling. She doesn't like to be captured but when she sees the photo and she looks good in it, she won't mind for the second photo session ha-ha-ha! This is a portrait of my pretty mother and her PRICELESS smile, Love you mother :)